she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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