then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That accounts for only three of the penises
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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