OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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