everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
