he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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