i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
