everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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