Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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