Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
