Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
