i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
