hell yes lets make some ravioli
its not stalking. its research.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
porn star boner night. come get it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
