You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
