i wish semen tasted like chocolate
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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