the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
