I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
