Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So squirting runs in the family.
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Come on in and take your pants off
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