I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
