She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
