I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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