i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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