I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
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