I can tuck mytits in my pants
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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