I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.