If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.