The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
