just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.