I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Barsexuality is the new black.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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