he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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