All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.