so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
