we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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