How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
