How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
