I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
