so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Randomize
