I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How does it feel to date your dad?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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