everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
