I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
