Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
