just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
