Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i love accidental penises.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
