It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Edward fifth and chaser hands
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
