I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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