You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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