my mouth tastes like poor choices
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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