everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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