My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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