i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
