Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
