Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
