you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My liver just broke up with me...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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