I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
