he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize