did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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