Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
