Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
