Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
