YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dignity is for republicans.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
