i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
