Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
