she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
