Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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