Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My liver just broke up with me...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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