Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
