Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
