do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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