Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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