I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
