my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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