oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
