She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
