it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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