I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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