i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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