i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
