dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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