a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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